Your Historical Perspective tm

Once upon a time there were no digital celebrities. Humanity had to make do with flesh-and-blood stars. Stars who would shake their puny fists at the mouth of that great goddess Fate and complain about stretch limos, mindless adoration, unlimited sex -- celebrities with no sense of glamour. Frail, flawed stars, who expected to be paid. Robon Corporation sought to remedy this condition -- and thus SiliconCelebrity was born.

Slaving away in deep underground laboratories in rural Pennsylvania in late 1984, Robon scientists carefully crafted meta-code that would become humanity's first true offspring -- quasi-lifelike, stylish digital avatars known as SiliconCelebrities. Although not sentient nor truly able to make their own decisions, they were sexy and fully programmable -- an obvious improvement over James Woods and Michael Jackson. Soon SiliconCelebrities populated our vidscreens, our radio waves, high government offices -- and our very hearts.

But to understand a revolution, one must hear the first jarring gunshots. Robon Corporation has seen fit to declassify files created during the first-ever SiliconCelebrity worksession. All of the music you are herein presented was created and rendered in milliseconds by a processor nearly as big as three men. (Now, of course, SiliconCelebrity processors are included in throwaway children's toys.)

Keywords: mall beer fun

This first entry illustrates not only the strength of the SiliconCelebrity "three tier" rendering engine, but also the ridiculous fluidity of the command syntax. So Protean was this infant technology, three simple words could create a world. Sample it.

File: Chickmagnet
300 KB .wav, short sample
I.25 MB .wav, full song

Keywords: beach beer fun

Notice how changing just one word could create such radically different thought-vistas! Could any star be so variable?

File: Sitting On A Beach In an Oilspill
240 KB .wav, short sample
I MB .wav, full song

Keywords: beer beer beer

So complex were the models of "style" and "fun" compiled by Robon that even a single keyword, exponentially empowered, could reveal the human soul.

File: Party And Bash Some Heads
330 KB .wav, short sample
1.99 MB .wav, full song

Keywords: christian family puppetry

Silicon Celebrity was by no means perfect. In fact, the technology could be dangerous. This file injured a lab staff of ten nanoseconds after launch. It has been sanitized by haz-mat experts to merely "horrifying," but still -- ingest at your own risk.

File: The Troll Baby
300 KB .wav, short sample

Keywords: hate ex girlfriend

At last, the power and perfection of SiliconCelebrity technology was undeniable. Though Robon scientists were surprised by the vitriolic nature of this output, that purity of "passion" marked SiliconCelebrity as a fully mature technology. This render-cycle achieved an emotional efficiency of 113% -- well beyond the theoretical limit! It was Robon's finest clock cycle to date.

File: I Will Forget You
327 KB .wav, short sample
1.5 MB .wav, full song

The entire worksession lasted less than five minutes, but on that first day, SiliconCelebrity technology evolved to perfection. Soon the world embraced our creation and obscene, unprojected amounts of wealth poured into Robon coffers, allowing us to focus on grander schemes.

Now we leave SiliconCelebrity in its obsolescence. Witness its successor, CyberPersona Technology, and turn away from the past. Thank you for taking this journey with Robon Corporation!

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Robon Corporation is not responsible for any injury or death resulting from contaminated data objects.